“Don’t Be Sad When I’m Gone”

The monumental sense of dislocation we experience after losing a loved one can be life-altering. There is no script for grieving—each individual passes through their own phases of mourning. In this personal narrative, psychologist Beatriz Dujovne documents how she grieved the loss of her husband and sought therapy during an extended stay in her hometown of Buenos Aires, Argentina. Recounting her healing process day-to-day, from shock through recovery, this book traces her navigation of the uncertainty and devastation that often engulfs those who have suffered profound loss.

Beatriz Dujovne was born and raised in Buenos Aires, and has lived half of her adult life in the American Midwest. She received a graduate degree in psychology from the University of Buenos Aires, and a Ph.D. from the University of Missouri. She was awarded the honor of Academician representative of the National Academy of Tango in the United States from the National Academy of Tango in Buenos Aires. She now dances in Buenos Aires and in the United States.

Beatriz Dujovne
Foreword by Neil J. Skolnick, Ph.D.
Format: softcover (6 x 9)
Pages: 166
Bibliographic Info:
Copyright Date: 2020
pISBN: 978-1-4766-8428-4
eISBN: 978-1-4766-4185-0
Imprint: Toplight

Acknowledgments vi
Foreword by Neil J. Skolnick, Ph.D. 1
Introduction 9
1. Flying from Autumn to Spring 15
2. Not Just Another Husband 24
3. Elusive Encounters 37
4. Ripples of Loss 48
5. Where Did My ­Self-Esteem Go? 59
6. I Carry a Horror in My Heart 68
7. Dancing Interrupted 79
8. Minotaurs in the Labyrinth 88
9. Missteps of a Widow in the World of Singles 100
10. Playful Restorations 114
11. The Anniversary 124
12. A Colorful Carlos Day 135
Epilogue: One Year Later 145

• “Beatriz paints a portrait of an analyzed grief—but not in the ways you might think. This book isn’t about dissecting grief itself in order to move beyond it. Rather, it’s a love story. One about a husband and wife, yes. Even more, it’s a love story between one’s former self and the self that is yet to come.”—Megan Devine, author of It’s OK That You’re Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn’t Understand

• “This book transcends death and grief and turns out to be equally about life. And ground zero for Beatriz’s life force is her native home of Buenos Aires. Sprinkled between her therapy sessions, she proudly shows us the Buenos Aires that long ago took up permanent residence in her blood. She invites us into the private, intimate sessions with a wise psychoanalyst she saw to help her with her grief. We witness her irrational beliefs and temporary bursts of insanity that most mourners will recognize. We discover her bouts of anger, both rational and non-sensical. These sessions provide the backbone of her narrative and pull the reader through her process of recovery.”—Neil Skolnick, Ph.D., clinical associate professor at the New York University Postdoctoral Program in Psychotherapy and Psychoanalysis, author of Relational Psychoanalysis and Temporality: Time Out of Mind

• “Don’t Be Sad When I’m Gone is, at once, a lamentation and an affirmation: an affirmation of life and the relationships that nurture it. In this touching memoir, Beatriz Dujovne invites the reader on an extraordinary journey of witnessing… curiously poetic and affirmative… Stands as a testament to loving attachment that sustains one throughout life. It is a tribute to all the potential space and the love that carries us along.”—Journal of Contemporary Psychoanalysis